Emotionally Feeling Crazy, my Wife is a Saint

Last June I had a sinus infection, no big deal they happen pretty regularly for me. Then a few weeks later I got stung or bit, by some ground hornets on the back of my head. I handled the situation as I would with any sting and cleaned the area.

A few days later while laying on our bed, my wife noticed a bump on the back of my head. I freaked out, thought the worst immediately.  A few days later, while speaking with my doctor he said he didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about and said that such bumps should go down in a fews days as we discussed this was related to the bee sting. I went to our chiropractor and he helped the bump go away. I started experiencing soreness and tightness a few months later around my neck, I went to an ENT who said that everything is alright and that this is a muscle issue and to talk with my PCP.

Mental Rollercoaster

I went back home somewhat relaxed and one day my wife and I had a conversation, she meant nothing by it and I looked her in the eyes, filled with fear, I ran upstairs. This was after she asked me about symptoms and whether when I looked down if i got dizzy or felt anything move, which I denied both. Tearful and obviously in fight or flight mode I was crying and said, “You think I’m dying?” My wife hugged and just let me cry. Later on she would tell me that she was not saying she felt I was dying and that often times she looks at me and tries to hide how crazy I sound. However, for a few days around Christmas, I was still experiencing symptoms of anxiety, waves of worry and tearfulness hit every few minutes.

I had a hard time seeing much of a future. It was not until my anxiety leveled out over a few days that I was able to calm down and see I was really going in a scary direction mentally. Long story short, imaging was scheduled by my PCP.

Control Your Controllable

Then my wife went on a business trip. This has been a blessing because it forced me to step up and manage my emotions, even when I was struggling emotionally. My wife told me an important idea, “Control your controllable.”

This idea is one I wrote about in my journal over several days, remembering what i can and cannot control. I could control journaling daily but I can’t control anything outside myself. I believe this is an idea we can all benefit from and apply to our lives.

Throughout the entire experience my wife has been right there with me and a solid rock. I write this because while my wife is a saint, it also took my willingness to open up with her along the entire process of fears I had. I’m able to be vulnerable with her.

Is your Partner a Saint?

In your relationship, whatever is going on are you feeling supported? Have you sought out support from your significant other? Is it safe to seek out support? Do you feel your partner would listen and ask questions with the intention to understand what you’ re experiencing? These are important questions to ask yourself if you have not sought out support for whatever is going on in your life.


How to Intentionally Bring Optimism to Your Life with Aubree Shrawder

This episode I get to interview my wife, Aubree. We discuss how she was not always living the way she does now and how important intentionality has been for changes she has made. We also talk about activities she does daily to help support being more positive in addition to other great ideas she discussed in the episode. This is one you will want to not miss.

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Sometimes I Want Out of This

A few days ago, I saw a short video clip of Esther Perel standing on stage and she asked the crowd to raise their hand if they’ve ever thought about leaving their current partner. Many of the people in the crowd raised their hand. I was right there with them, I have had times where I have thought about not being married to my wife. To some, that may be shocking  that a Marriage therapist has contemplated about not wanting to be with their significant other. To me, this is one of the most healthiest and honest statements a person can say who has been with the same person for 14 years. It is not about not loving my wife, it is about the fact that at times we get annoyed with one another and the thought has come around. Notice that I have not left my wife, nor has she left me. I would bet if she was asked if she has ever thought about leaving this marriage she too would agree the thought has come to her.

One of the best statements I have heard many times is that the people who are closest to us, those that know us best, know how to push our buttons. My wife and I have both said things to one another that have hurt. Again, not many people know me better than she does. It doesn’t make it right, but sometimes when we argue we don’t think, instead we focus on what we want and how we feel and this is typically when these thoughts of leaving the relationship tend to come about. When we are thinking clearly, these thoughts are not coming up. John Gottman calls this “summarizing yourself syndrome.” So as I sit here, writing this blog post, I am not thinking I want to leave my wife. But if you are calm, not arguing with your partner and yet you are thinking you want out of your current relationship, a few things should happen. First, John Kim would encourage you to ask yourself why you want out and assess your role. The reason being, when we want out of a relationship, we tend to focus on all the things the other person is or has done wrong and seldom do we take time to look at ourselves. I won’t go further as it isn’t the basis of this post but I felt it only fair that I mention important steps if you really in a calm state want out of your relationship what are some important steps to take before jumping ship.

To get back to situations when in an argument and not thinking clearly, which has some physiological reasons for not being able to think clearly. Here is what is important to do, first take some time for yourself to calm down, then come back together with your partner and work on repair, own your steps, whether you think you were right or wrong own your steps. Then depending on if things stay calm discuss what you and your partner can do the next time the difficult topic or situation that played into the argument comes about to change the dynamics of the situation. I hope this post is helpful if you have questions or thoughts email, Brian@themarriagedoc.com.

Getting Aligned with Your Authentic Self with Maggie Domingo

This episode I interviewed Maggie Domingo, a Transformation Coach specializing in Human Design. Maggie discusses how she got into working with Human design and explained what human design consists of and described a first session and how this can look when working with her. Maggie then describes the types which are our roles in life and much more.
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The Maggie Domingo Podcast on Spotify