Emotionally Feeling Crazy, my Wife is a Saint

Last June I had a sinus infection, no big deal they happen pretty regularly for me. Then a few weeks later I got stung or bit, by some ground hornets on the back of my head. I handled the situation as I would with any sting and cleaned the area.

A few days later while laying on our bed, my wife noticed a bump on the back of my head. I freaked out, thought the worst immediately.  A few days later, while speaking with my doctor he said he didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about and said that such bumps should go down in a fews days as we discussed this was related to the bee sting. I went to our chiropractor and he helped the bump go away. I started experiencing soreness and tightness a few months later around my neck, I went to an ENT who said that everything is alright and that this is a muscle issue and to talk with my PCP.

Mental Rollercoaster

I went back home somewhat relaxed and one day my wife and I had a conversation, she meant nothing by it and I looked her in the eyes, filled with fear, I ran upstairs. This was after she asked me about symptoms and whether when I looked down if i got dizzy or felt anything move, which I denied both. Tearful and obviously in fight or flight mode I was crying and said, “You think I’m dying?” My wife hugged and just let me cry. Later on she would tell me that she was not saying she felt I was dying and that often times she looks at me and tries to hide how crazy I sound. However, for a few days around Christmas, I was still experiencing symptoms of anxiety, waves of worry and tearfulness hit every few minutes.

I had a hard time seeing much of a future. It was not until my anxiety leveled out over a few days that I was able to calm down and see I was really going in a scary direction mentally. Long story short, imaging was scheduled by my PCP.

Control Your Controllable

Then my wife went on a business trip. This has been a blessing because it forced me to step up and manage my emotions, even when I was struggling emotionally. My wife told me an important idea, “Control your controllable.”

This idea is one I wrote about in my journal over several days, remembering what i can and cannot control. I could control journaling daily but I can’t control anything outside myself. I believe this is an idea we can all benefit from and apply to our lives.

Throughout the entire experience my wife has been right there with me and a solid rock. I write this because while my wife is a saint, it also took my willingness to open up with her along the entire process of fears I had. I’m able to be vulnerable with her.

Is your Partner a Saint?

In your relationship, whatever is going on are you feeling supported? Have you sought out support from your significant other? Is it safe to seek out support? Do you feel your partner would listen and ask questions with the intention to understand what you’ re experiencing? These are important questions to ask yourself if you have not sought out support for whatever is going on in your life.


Fight Nice!

This month I thought I would write about an online course which I am revamping and releasing soon, Fight Nice! The idea for the group came while listening to a podcast episode from Jay Shetty, who said that couples need to learn how to fight appropriately, not that fighting should be avoided. First of all, the word “fight” comes with preconceived ideas. One of those ideas is that a fight involves a physical altercation which my course is not about, and this is actually false. There are several terms for a fight such as an argument, disagreement and so on.

There are seven parts to my course, Fight Nice! Starting with a discussion on the General Alarm system and ending with Planning for the future. The course is all about providing the necessary information so that you can then take tools and ideas provided to create a plan to help you and your partner fight constructively not destructively.

In terms of the General Alarm system, another name is fight or flight. Part of the information provided is a description of what fight or flight means and that we don’t always know when we are triggering our general alarm system. Also, a misnomer is that only those with a trauma history can experience fight or flight which is not accurate as this is something we are all born with the ability to use. The issue is that often times the system is activated when it isn’t needed, and it can have a HUGE impact on us and our interactions with those we care about the most.

The good news is there are ways to reduce these struggles and you can learn all about them when you sign up for my online course which again will be offered in the near future. If you would like to be notified when the course is available email me at Brian@theMarriagedoc.com. Take care and be sure to check-out the next blog post and take a look around on the site as there is a lot of good information AND you can contact me for a FREE 15-minute consult for Couple and or individual therapy for those in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.