What is happening?


There is a problem that is pretty common in couples’ therapy. The problem is that while it seems some improvements have occurred in your relationship, but now other issues are popping up. You and or your partner maybe talking about dropping couples therapy or finding a new therapist because this should not be happening!

What if I told you this was normal?! That, many couples have other issues aside from that which brought you into therapy come up after being in couples’ therapy for a time.


There are multiple reasons for this to happen. For example, many couples begin feeling anxious when they are noticing and feeling positive from their participation in therapy and healthy changes in their relationship. The thoughts of worry may come creeping in those things will return as they were prior to therapy, increasing anxiety. Often doing something new brings up feelings of anxiety.

Another reason is developmental.   Relationships can change through normal developmental stages. These same stages tend to parallel some of the stages of childhood development. As one issue from a developmental stage is remedied, it makes sense another may then arise. Out of these experiences, anxiety can arise.


The reality is that being nervous is normal. The important thing to remember is why you’re going to therapy. You want healthy changes in your relationship. By stepping into uncomfortable situations such as therapy, you’re putting yourself in a position for growth. Change can be scary, but my question is, what if nothing changes? Are you willing to stay in the same relationship, with the same issues? Only you can answer these questions.

It’s important to express worry and nervousness and not keep these fears to yourself. Allow your partner to support you and know what is going through your mind.